Dating Diaries

I was distractedly bending the straw in my water glass back and forth. “That’s really cool,” I said in a low voice. I looked up into his eyes, and slowly nodded as I gave him a smile. Everything he said was really cool. HE was really cool.  We had been sitting at the Korean restaurant for almost three hours, our tofu soup bowls having been cleared and our cups filled multiple times. I could have sat for hours longer.  He exceeded two desires I secretly treasured in my heart, one thing my young adult pastor had advised to look for in a partner, and another that my mentor (almost a grandmother) had told me she was praying for. And on top of all that, he was just a really nice, sweet, brilliant, talented, personable guy. And I couldn’t stop smiling when I was around him. I liked everything about him.  He had recently stopped by my house, met some of my family, played on the piano. My mom had given me a knowing look, a small smile, which instantly told me that she liked him. ...

I started this whole dating thing three months ago. The goal is to go through six months of very intentionally casual (is that an oxymoron??), non-exclusive, fun dating . . . so I’m halfway there! I’ll admit there were a few tears earlier this week (which I haven’t had in a while). I've met a lot of really cool guys, but I went on two dates over the weekend that really ended up being more disappointing than hopeful. I was getting a little weary and let myself get discouraged (and the gray skies from fire season probably didn’t help!).  But after an evening text sesh with a couple friends, I was encouraged and inspired to keep going. I can do it!! Really, it’s only been three months!! That’s not very long at all.  I laughed while writing, “I’m going to tell my future husband how hard I worked for him, haha!”  And it HAS been hard. It HAS been a lot of work.  I have consistently and diligently spent time on dating apps, messaging, texting, phone calls, Zooming, and goi...

I’m waiting for a guy to call right now. I turned on my phone’s volume (so I won’t miss it!) and decided to blog because, well . . . why not?  I feel like I’m in the 1960s, waiting by the phone . . . haha! He had said he would call this weekend. Saturday passed. Sunday mostly passed. And then he texted Sunday evening while I was at church (I had told him that was the only thing I had going on this weekend), so I quickly (as QUICK as I could!) wrote that I was still at church but gave him the time I would be home. He replied, “Let’s chat when you get home.”  And I rushed to my car, was one of the first to get out of the parking lot, and got home in record timing. I mean, I’m trying to be available for this guy.  And I texted him as soon as I got home . . . I’m home and good whenever you are! 30 minutes later . . . still waiting. I’m confused.  Am I the only person that sets up a time for phone calls? Maybe some people are not used to phone calls.  Still waiting ....

A guy I was chatting with online recently asked me to go check out this gelato place with him. I sent some pictures of his profile to a few of my friends and asked what they thought. The mix of responses made me laugh so hard . . .  “Ah . . .” “Dang, he looks intense.” “I like that other guy.” “He definitely loves his body. Do you, is the question, lol, because he probably spends more time on hair than you do.” “I personally don’t like guys with giant muscles, but that’s me, haha.” “Does he break dance for Christ?” “Well, you are a gorgeous, wonderful mature woman . . . so sounds like it’s not a match!” “He just doesn’t look like he matches you, haha.” “Go for it! Seems like a skinny jeans/ selfie guy lol, but live a little!” I couldn’t stop laughing as the responses rolled in. And I couldn’t stop changing my mind. Should I go out with him or not?? Haha.  I have two Zoom dates scheduled this weekend, and no judgments toward these guys . . . we’re all figuring out our Covid com...

I was waiting on the porch steps outside the worship center at my church. I needed to text someone about our lunch plans before heading to my car, but . . . I also knew that it was quite possible (probable) that this guy (yes, THE guy) would walk this way toward his car.  And, he DID . . . along with another girl. Dun dun dun . . .  Looking at my phone, I heard the voices before looking up, so I knew what I was going to see. Yes. She’s great and he’s great. But, ouch! He had asked me out before (via a weird obscure Facebook message inbox, not messenger), but I didn’t see his message for almost a year. Yes, a year.  So, we chatted a few times since then, waved at each other at the gym we both went to, and I sent him an email with a few concerts that I knew we’d both be interested in. He said he was. But didn’t have the time. I tried again. He again said how he would have loved to, but “had a lot going on.”  My friends encouraged me to give up, but I think I was still ...

Well, for anyone who knows me, they can probably guess that I’m not dealing with a GUY who is doing the stonewalling. It’s me.  Yes, it’s an area I need to grow in. For the longest time I didn’t even know what stonewalling was or that I did it. Maybe another word for it is withdrawing. And I do it.  Of course, I hate it. I wish I didn’t. I never do it intentionally, or to be mean or controlling, but always out of an instinctual reactionary self-protectiveness. It just happens without me even knowing it.  It’s kind of like a sea anemone getting poked. When I get poked, everything just kind of closes up. Closes in.  And the most hilarious, not hilarious really, sad thing . . . is that I always think no one notices . . . while EVERYONE notices!  Maybe that’s a good thing.  I dated a guy several years ago for about four months, and in retrospect we had a great, communicative relationship. We got along really well and I loved how much we talked . . . about every...