Dating Diaries

“The dorky ones are keepers,” my friend added a winky face emoji to her text, and I could hear her laugh in my mind. She was just one of the many married friends who had voiced their opinion about going for the guy I felt most comfortable with (and trusted) . . . over someone that I felt that “zing” of attraction for.  And this lined up with Dr. Henry Cloud’s recommendation (in “How To Get a Date Worth Keeping”) to fall in love with someone’s character and ignore the butterfly feelings.  And all of this “theory” is put into practice while I’m in the dating arena! A guy I’m talking with and I recently discovered our mutual interest in playing the strategy game Settlers of Catan, and he asked if we could play an online version (Covid . . . need I say more?). We had so much fun!  I later texted a friend: “I like him more and more every time I hang out with him.” And it was true. I didn’t feel butterflies, and still don’t (although I do get a little nervous with him). And I d...

One of my favorite TV shows to binge on (to my friends’ bewildered amusement) is CBS’s Survivor . I have no idea why, but I like . . . LOVE the show, hehe!  In an episode I recently watched, one young good-looking southern guy started dating a cute girl on the season. He was seen as having really high character and just being such a nice, likable guy. He admitted to a few contestants that he was saving himself physically for marriage, and just smiled at their smirks. On a live reunion show, he was specifically asked if he was still a virgin while dating her (how embarrassing on live television!!!), and again nodded his head with his southern smile and said he was. . . . everyone just had awkward faces. The host changed the subject.  But when I looked up their story, ten years later, they’re still married . . . and looked happy. Most girls in my circles have been happily married for ten to fifteen years to husbands who had saved themselves physically for marriage. Most of them ...

We’d just gotten back from my birthday celebration and peeked in my friend’s house to check on the kids. They were curled up with her husband on the couch watching a movie, so we sat on the front porch to enjoy the still summer evening.  Earlier that night, my girlfriends had asked me about my love life. They constantly want an update (and pictures) of my dating stories . . .  the fun and laughable memories. In their own words, they love living vicariously through me.  But this was just me and her. My friend of 18 years. My friend whose wedding I was in, whose babies I had visited in the hospital when they were born. Who had traveled with her husband to visit me in Thailand. . .  I mean, us three had been on college mission trips together before they were even dating. That friend.  “How do you know when you like a guy? ” I whispered with a shy smile, like we were ten-year-old girls sharing secrets in the school yard. She grinned as she looked at my face. “If you...

UMM . . .  not really sure how to respond!! A guy recently messaged me his concerns about people in his church, and another guy tells me "hanging out with friends used to be cool until everyone became infectious.”  I didn’t want to judge or label these guys (as grumpy . . . though it seemed like they were!), but even their profile pictures seemed to look like it was painful for them to smile. Yikes! As I asked a couple of friends if I should go out with the first guy who seemed pretty critical ("in the spirit of learning, and being open, and practicing!" I had said), although they had left the choice up to me, I sensed their hesitation.  "Um, what do you think you would get out of it? " one friend gently asked.  "Do you think it would be fun?" another questioned. Good point! "I would imagine you could find enough non- critical guys to practice with, " another girl hedged. And she was right. So far, I’ve had all good experiences and have met...

His profile read that he was looking for a girl who loved dogs more than he did. I liked dogs . . .  but he was with a dog in all of his pictures, so I knew I couldn’t LOVE dogs more than he did. I swiped left (not interested).  But then we got matched for a THIRD TIME. Okay, I’ll give him a try, I thought, swiped right, and we started chatting.  I had just come back from a big city and he asked how my trip was. Turned out that cities were never a destination for him . . . he loved being outdoors and camping. I love national parks, and being away from crowds and out in nature feels like vacation for me, so I mentioned that.  He was selling a house in the “hickest” town of our county, and in escrow to buy a house miles even more outside of the city. When I asked him why he was moving, he replied that among other things he just wanted to get away from the crowds. I had been to the area he was moving to and told him I thought it was beautiful.  And in truth, I lov...

“So, where ARE you in this six-month program?” He was the second guy this week doing the mental math of how much longer I had of this “casual dating.”  I kind of laughed but felt bad. It's hard for me to disappoint people. A couple friends had emphasized their opinion on my not using the word "casual." Not that they wanted me to be dishonest, but they thought that saying I was casually dating would give the impression that I was interested in either sexual “hook up’s” or less serious-minded guys. Since I have physical boundaries and my intention in dating is just to explore (the process, interacting with guys romantically, and to learn about myself and what I’m interested in), rather than look for a potential long- term relationship, I can imagine a good number of guys wondering, “What’s the point?" in dating me. But that’s okay. I AM casually dating for now. But I do want to be upfront about it from the beginning. I mean, I wait until it comes up in conversation, bu...

While I haven’t met a lot of guys who like to talk on the phone, every guy is different, and the unconventional times of 2020 call for more remote connection . . . so . . .  The phone date, hehe.  I hadn’t sensed a “spark” texting with this guy, so didn’t have a lot of expectations when I answered his call. But he turned out to be a lot different than I expected and we had a GREAT two-and-a-half-hour conversation! He had labeled himself as “a laid back California dude” (umm, okay), but also had an MBA from an Ivy League university and a pretty nice career in the tech industry (so, there’s that). We had also connected on some of our international travels, so I did anticipate that our conversation would at least be interesting.  Something that has been a challenge for me in the dating arena has been to share personal information with people I don’t know. I NEVER do this.  I’m an extrovert and can lead a classroom or a small group, ask questions, articulate my thoughts,...