Dating Diaries 5: Who to Date


Now please don’t judge me. I’m going to say something that may seem a little controversial. Dr. Henry Cloud, in his book “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping” presents a 6-month casual dating program that means dating people of different backgrounds (including those of different beliefs and values), and those that may not typically be my “type”.


Since he says that the goal at this point is just to learn about different people and about myself, it really doesn’t matter if a guy fits a checklist of things that I’m looking for in a future partner. 


This definitely challenged my own perspective about dating. For me, dating was only for finding a potential husband. The point was to find and get to know the man I would marry. 


However, Cloud says that this kind of goal often ends up in unhealthy relationships. Not having the experience of getting to know people of different backgrounds can lead someone to stay stuck in certain unhealthy patterns (especially in choosing to date a certain “type”). 


So, I’m open to just casually dating guys of a variety of backgrounds. I mean, I still swipe left (say that I don’t want to be matched, for those unfamiliar with dating apps) on over 95% of profiles on the dating apps (just because of general weirdness), but I’m much more open to someone I may not consider my type at all. 


Since I’m only planning on going on one date, and I have clear physical boundaries, it could be a great experience to date guys from different backgrounds! 


So WHO should I date? 


Since I am open to dating guys who are not my type, what are the boundaries? What makes me swipe left, or swipe right? 


Well, I think I’ve narrowed it down to a pretty simple list:


Swipe Left (No match)

  1. Weirdness (there’s a lot out there)

  2. Emotionally unhealthy or abrasive 

  3. Looks unattractive (not saying he has to be super attractive, but just not “unattractive”)

  4. Beliefs, views, values that are very different from mine


No judgments on any of these guys, but those are the no’s. Those are the swipe left. These are like 95% of the profiles I come across, but that’s okay. That’s still a possible 5 a day, right??


Swipe Right (It’s a Match!)


  1. Everyone else!


So, I’m open. If there’s not a reason for why I shouldn’t go on a date, I’m open to dating anyone. Go once, maybe twice. Have a voice and be clear. Let him lead. Have fun. Get to know him, and get to know myself. See what comes up within myself as I go through the process, and date anyone!

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