Dating Diaries 10: The Birds and the Bees (Being Sexually Healthy)

I’m really thankful that my parents, though not perfect, taught us kids that sex is good and to be respected. They placed a high value on it, and never wanted us to feel ashamed. I feel that I developed early on a confident and healthy view of my own sexuality, and still have that view and self-respect today. 


Yes, let me even take a moment to say thanks to my mom and dad for that!


I remember a guy from my church boasting about “teaching” a girl less experienced (in the physical intimacy world) from his “much experience.” While repulsed and disgusted by his apparent delight in taking advantage of this girl, and even his own behavior with me, I did have the positive takeaway of honing in on what I’m looking for in a guy.


I’ve also learned that not all guys are like that man. I can point to soooo many guy friends and family members who treat their own, their wives’, and other women’s sexuality with honor, and have great and healthy relationships. 


To be honest, besides one situation where I did have to confront someone in a workplace scenario on sexual harassment, I haven’t had any terrible experiences with guys and sex. So again, thankful. 


Now that I’m in the dating world, the topic is surfacing . . . and having an adult conversation about sex and sexuality is . . . a must!


The first thing I’m thinking about is having respect for myself. Knowing my own values, boundaries, and views is really important, as well as being able to communicate them to my date. Everyone has different experiences and opinions, and we may disagree, but I never want to feel coerced or ashamed.


I also value when a guy respects himself. I was surprised, but really admired, how a guy that I'm chatting with mentioned on his profile page that he wasn't interested in hook up's. This directly contrasted with the guy I mentioned earlier who openly admitted with a smug laugh that if a girl offered it, he'd take it.


While guys often get negatively labeled when it comes to sex, I feel that this is unfair. Guys and girls may be oriented toward sex in different ways (both good), but guys can have a healthy kick of testosterone (a lot of testosterone. . . and this is attractive!) and still respect their bodies and minds, and control their habits. And that combination of sex drive and self-control is super attractive to me.


Having the conversation might seem awkward (and the conversation itself might even need some boundaries . . . no one needs details!) . . . but that’s okay. It’s being an adult. And it’s being sexually healthy.

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