Dating Diaries 12: My Dating Age (Hmm . . . 16?)

“Thank you,” he gently called out as I walked out the door of my gym. I couldn’t turn around and no words came out of my mouth. I just kept walking, all the way to my car and drove home . . . feeling that “palm to forehead” feeling the whole rest of the day . . . week . . . year!!!

What was I thinking??

I had given him a letter. Yes, a hand-written letter introducing myself and asking about himself. Nothing awkward or weird per se . . . other than the fact that we had never really officially met and barely talked, and we both did shy little waves at each other across the gym . . . and that writing letters is more what . . . well, ten year old girls do with boys that they like!!! Ahhhh!

I would give myself the dating age of around 13 years old, but one friend was generous enough to give me 16 or 17, so I’ll take it, haha. 

In any type of psychology or child development book or class, there is always this concept of sequential developmental stages. Babies and children, for example, go through stages in which they develop physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s the way people grow. 

Two year old’s learn to say “no” every other sentence as they suddenly realize that they are separate entities from caretakers providing for their needs. Teens also go through their “rebellious” stage as they move toward being independent adults. Parents equipped with child psychology can probably best help their children navigate these important stages. 

But sometimes people don’t develop. Sometimes there are sixty-year-old adults who still throw two-year-old tantrums  . . . or act like irresponsible teenagers, instead of mature adults. Counseling and therapy is a great tool for identifying these problems and helping people re-develop these missed stages. 

Well . . . I never really developed in the dating world. I think my circles would agree that I’m beyond my age in the adult world of responsibilities, work, leadership and independence. But, in some types of relationships, and especially, dating . . . I’m still immature. 

Thus, the awkward waving and letter writing, haha. 

But that’s okay. 

My friend and I discussed how important it is to walk through stages at the age in which they were missed, rather than trying to prematurely skip ahead. I have to be 15 before I can be 16. 

So, while I am in my 30’s, it’s okay that I let myself go through things that teenagers go through before trying to get into a mature committed relationship that a 30 year old would get into. I’m not ready to be 30 in the dating world and it’s okay for me to admit that. 

My friend (I’m sure trying to be encouraging, but I trust her honesty) believes that adults can move through stages at an accelerated rate . . . meaning that I might be able to move through the teen years in one year altogether if I stick to it! I’m going to hope that something like that is true!! 

So, here I go! I’m going to try to be as mature and responsible as I can. I’m going to try to be an “adult” in my interactions. But if I suddenly fall into a little girl mode, doing something ridiculously silly and immature . . . it’s okay. I haven’t gone through these stages before so I have to walk through them. 

I’ll come out on the other side . . . and I’ll bring that much more depth, maturity, wisdom, grace, and fun to my future relationships!