Dating Diaries 2: It Takes a Village

One point Dr. Cloud emphasizes in his book “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” is the importance of getting together a support team as I walk through the dating process. 

He says that the feeling of “falling in love” (with butterflies and all) is most likely triggered by some pathology (yes, pathology, hehe), something unhealthy in a person, that makes them attracted to a certain “type” of person. 

He gives the great example of a girl who was only attracted to muscular men, and when she dug into the reasons why, she discovered that she only felt feminine with really masculine- looking (key word, “looking”) men. As she dealt with her own insecurities of her femininity, her attractions changed and she was able to date a lot of different guys and ended up falling in love with a guy that was totally not her “type” but a really good guy.

But walking through all of these unhealthy parts within ourselves requires friends. Truth-speaking friends. Loving friends. Good friends. Wise friends. Friends who know me well. 

So one major step I’ve taken in these first few weeks of dating is to get my team. 

At first, I really didn’t want to show the profile of the guy I was going on my first date with after joining the dating apps. I didn’t want to make it a big deal. But two friends just gave me a little push, and I finally did. And for some reason, going on the date became easier. 

My “people” at least had a picture and a name of who I was going out with. I didn’t feel so alone. And after the date, I was able to go over to see one of them, and though we didn’t really talk much about the date because kids were running around, just being with her made me feel supported. 

Another friend texted me a big smiley face an hour after the date, nothing else. But after I responded, she admitted that her husband was ready to come out with a rescue team. And to be honest, this made me feel loved and cared for. 

And even though there wasn’t going to be a second date, I didn’t feel that the experience was a loss. It was definitely a good experience. A learning experience. And I had a group of people waiting for me with “Good job!” and “I’m proud of you!” 

I had my team.