Dating Diaries 3: Having a Voice

Guys and girls naturally have different hopes and concerns when it comes to dating. And one thing that I’ve learned girls have to be aware of (probably a lot more than guys) is safety.

So, as I prepared for my first date of the dating app experience, I had two things in mind: 1) Let him lead, 2) Make sure there’s a safe plan. 

The only problem was that while I was letting him lead (ask me out, decide when and where to go, etc.), he didn’t really let me in on the plan (though it seemed like it may have been clear in his mind).

When my friends started asking where we were going, I had to keep saying I wasn’t sure. I had a general idea but not a specific. And, as we were meeting outside in the evening and going on a walk in an area with lots of trails (some with lots of people and some without), I had a little concern. 

When I arrived, we got through the initial greeting without much awkwardness (even with Covid distancing), and I just kind of let him start leading the walk as we talked. We started going down a dirt trail that I knew led to a little less trafficked area (I know the area well), and having decided I would already mention something in this circumstance, I casually asked, “Oh what trail is this?” He said that he wasn’t really sure what it was called but pointed in the direction of where it led. I tried to be upbeat and casual while asking if he would be up for another trail that was more trafficked and he immediately said he would. 

I really didn’t feel unsafe, but the point is that it would NOT BE OKAY to go out in a deserted area with someone I had just met on the Internet. 

So, the lesson of the experience for me was to have a voice in communicating with my date. 

There may always be a hard balance between letting a guy lead and checking to see what his plans are, but because I am dating people that I don’t know, and have essentially never met, it is NECESSARY that I use my voice to clarify my expectations. 

For one, I need to meet in a safe public place for the first few dates at the very least. And, I can think of a few other expectations that I will need to set. One of my guy friends mentioned setting up a clear expectation from the beginning of what my physical boundaries are. 

So, another lesson in the books. I have a voice. Use it with grace, clarity, and confidence. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dating Diaries 25: The One

I was distractedly bending the straw in my water glass back and forth. “That’s really cool,” I said in a low voice. I looked up into his eyes, and slowly nodded as I gave him a smile. Everything he said was really cool. HE was really cool.  We had been sitting at the Korean restaurant for almost three hours, our tofu soup bowls having been cleared and our cups filled multiple times. I could have sat for hours longer.  He exceeded two desires I secretly treasured in my heart, one thing my young adult pastor had advised to look for in a partner, and another that my mentor (almost a grandmother) had told me she was praying for. And on top of all that, he was just a really nice, sweet, brilliant, talented, personable guy. And I couldn’t stop smiling when I was around him. I liked everything about him.  He had recently stopped by my house, met some of my family, played on the piano. My mom had given me a knowing look, a small smile, which instantly told me that she liked him. ...
Read more

Dating Diaries 5: Who to Date

Now please don’t judge me. I’m going to say something that may seem a little controversial. Dr. Henry Cloud, in his book “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping” presents a 6-month casual dating program that means dating people of different backgrounds (including those of different beliefs and values), and those that may not typically be my “type”. Since he says that the goal at this point is just to learn about different people and about myself, it really doesn’t matter if a guy fits a checklist of things that I’m looking for in a future partner.  This definitely challenged my own perspective about dating. For me, dating was only for finding a potential husband. The point was to find and get to know the man I would marry.  However, Cloud says that this kind of goal often ends up in unhealthy relationships. Not having the experience of getting to know people of different backgrounds can lead someone to stay stuck in certain unhealthy patterns (especially in choosing to date a certain...
Read more

Dating Diaries 23: Waiting For Him To Call

I’m waiting for a guy to call right now. I turned on my phone’s volume (so I won’t miss it!) and decided to blog because, well . . . why not?  I feel like I’m in the 1960s, waiting by the phone . . . haha! He had said he would call this weekend. Saturday passed. Sunday mostly passed. And then he texted Sunday evening while I was at church (I had told him that was the only thing I had going on this weekend), so I quickly (as QUICK as I could!) wrote that I was still at church but gave him the time I would be home. He replied, “Let’s chat when you get home.”  And I rushed to my car, was one of the first to get out of the parking lot, and got home in record timing. I mean, I’m trying to be available for this guy.  And I texted him as soon as I got home . . . I’m home and good whenever you are! 30 minutes later . . . still waiting. I’m confused.  Am I the only person that sets up a time for phone calls? Maybe some people are not used to phone calls.  Still waiting ....
Read more