Dating Diaries 14: Keeping It Casual

“So, where ARE you in this six-month program?” He was the second guy this week doing the mental math of how much longer I had of this “casual dating.” 


I kind of laughed but felt bad. It's hard for me to disappoint people.


A couple friends had emphasized their opinion on my not using the word "casual." Not that they wanted me to be dishonest, but they thought that saying I was casually dating would give the impression that I was interested in either sexual “hook up’s” or less serious-minded guys.


Since I have physical boundaries and my intention in dating is just to explore (the process, interacting with guys romantically, and to learn about myself and what I’m interested in), rather than look for a potential long- term relationship, I can imagine a good number of guys wondering, “What’s the point?" in dating me.


But that’s okay. I AM casually dating for now.


But I do want to be upfront about it from the beginning.


I mean, I wait until it comes up in conversation, but it usually does pretty quickly, and I’m honest about where I’m at. 


Something I’ve noticed about a lot of guys in dating is that they seem to be very quick and direct in asking about my PAST relationships and my CURRENT expectations with them.


To me, these seem like topics better fit for months into a relationship, but I've found them often brought up within the first two dates. 


Seriously! They're so direct in asking what I thought about the date and what I think about them! . . . And then, what other guys I'm dating, and what I did with them . . . And this makes me so uncomfortable!! It seems so personal and direct . . . and way too early!


But, I can see how it’s important for guys to figure out their “game plan,” so I’m willing to give the information that will help them know how to move forward (or move on). As I invite friends, especially guy friends, in to help me brainstorm a healthy and appropriate amount of information I can share, I'm learning how to be a little more direct and honest.


The last guy I talked with seemed pretty intrigued in my casual dating, saying that he admired how I navigated it. “That seems like a really interesting approach,” he had said. “It seems like you’re trying to figure out WHAT your check boxes are before trying to see if a guy checks them off. I like that.” And that was encouraging to hear!


I want to use this time as exploration. Maybe things that I thought were deal breakers aren’t, and maybe there is something that becomes very important to me in looking for in a guy. This is a time for me to learn and get lots of experience. 


And as long as I’m upfront with the guy from the beginning about my intentions, I think this is a great and healthy approach to dating!


And really . . . if a guy wants to keep asking me out during these six months, he can! . . . and if I’m having fun, I’ll keep going!

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