Dating Diaries 15: Breakup Over Broadway? (Will the Real Emily Please Speak Up?)

His profile read that he was looking for a girl who loved dogs more than he did. I liked dogs . . .  but he was with a dog in all of his pictures, so I knew I couldn’t LOVE dogs more than he did. I swiped left (not interested). 


But then we got matched for a THIRD TIME. Okay, I’ll give him a try, I thought, swiped right, and we started chatting. 


I had just come back from a big city and he asked how my trip was. Turned out that cities were never a destination for him . . . he loved being outdoors and camping. I love national parks, and being away from crowds and out in nature feels like vacation for me, so I mentioned that. 


He was selling a house in the “hickest” town of our county, and in escrow to buy a house miles even more outside of the city. When I asked him why he was moving, he replied that among other things he just wanted to get away from the crowds. I had been to the area he was moving to and told him I thought it was beautiful. 


And in truth, I love the outdoors, national parks, and camping. In truth, I’ve always pictured myself settling down in a town a little outside of the city. And in truth, I’ve wanted to get a family dog if I ever started a family. 


BUT . . . that’s a PART of me. 


I ALSO like dressing up and going to a nice restaurant. I love going to Broadways, symphonies, and cultural events. I really enjoy people-watching and I’m not uncomfortable in crowds or in public transportation . . . annnd, I really don’t enjoy having animals in the house. 


SOOOO . . . who’s the real Emily?? 


This is where not only dating, but LIFE, gets tricky for me. 


I love so many things. And I love finding where I connect with people. It’s easy for me to find SOMETHING to connect on with just about anyone. And I’ll ask a million questions until I find it. 


But the problem is that while I’m connecting on something important to that person, I’m often hiding other parts of myself that I know we don’t connect on. I don’t want there to be parts that we don’t connect on. 


And I do this like a pro in dating. 


I sit on every side of every fence. Not because I’m being dishonest, but because I just let certain parts shine with certain people. 


One guy sees my classy side, another my silly. One guy knows that I love being outdoors, another experiences my cultural interests. I talk about my faith and my profession with one, Lord of the Rings quotes with another, and favorite music to dance to with a third. I’m laid back. I’m intense. I laugh or I’m super serious. 


WHICH IS IT?? 


It’s all of them. It really is. 


But while my desire to connect with people is genuine, it can sometimes inhibit me from being totally me. 


So . . . the challenge for me in this learning experience is to present (reveal) parts of myself that I know the person may not connect with. And I mean, I’m trying to do this in all my relationships, not just dating. 


But here goes!


So, back to the outdoorsy/ dog guy. In response to his last message, I replied: “I like to get away from city life too if I get the chance . . . although I do like going to a good restaurant or Broadway.” There. That wasn’t so bad. 


He replied that he was with me on everything, except Broadway. So, it’s a win!! We disagree!! We have differences. And it’s okay. I was able to let the true Emily come out. 


And if he doesn’t want to date me because I like Broadway’s, then I’m heading in the right direction!


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